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1985

by アロキン

/

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1.
Lardass 03:45
lyrics
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I’m that kid on Bad Santa fat and stupid with no friends there’s a catch - I’m just retarded flesh talentless and with a tiny peck just a heap of trash will surely end up whining on some beta uprising Reddit sub. Restless I stand blank eyes of a hunted beast as walls around me all glare collapsing in thought as the aisles are glowing foremost and uttermost I’ll stutter impaired gravity and distance no longer are fair I’ll lose, I’ll lie, sure failure of investment. I feel sorry for myself. Drenched in sweat motionless I lie I don’t believe a word I’ve said and neither should you. Smile at me indottrinate me with a life more convincing silence the thoughts roaming inside me annihilate any bodily conception then what’s left of me a huge fucking disappointment that’s it? what was this big ordeal? I just had to put some zeal and kneal. Moaning all the times over the same fucking things a heartburn short breath a brief tingling in y left arm loss of hearing tachicardia earworms and the mess inside my head my asshole and a migraine and the sun just ought to stop. There’s no need for you here I’m not what my body and mind tell me forget anything I said I won’t remember anyway mind keeps failing answering machine full of junk hey Nick, you lose keep playing, better luck next time here’s some Prozac we call it Citalopram sometimes Fluoxetine ass some Deniban you’ll be okay and don’t drink as much it’s bad for you but you just keep trying. Fuck, I tried but to no avail I’ve kept promises and behaved well nonetheless I do exist just as a bacteria nothing more than feed and yet / I linger stutter and mumble not enough to qualify as a living human being. Don’t let me go don’t let me sink I / will fail you I’ve failed the whole world I’ll curl up and cry and be no more I’ve tried, believe me, but it’s never enough my mind deceives me. No more mourning no more pain no more highs / nor lows I’ll keep quiet pretend to be someone else everything but me
2.
NEET 02:55
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This spectacle you call life I’m not one of you people you’ll make this country great again while you see how unspectacular my decline is this purgatory i’ve settled so easily in these walls seem to protect me and so are yours while crushing every single hope remaining I lie, and so do you you rise, and so is my depression you succeed and I retreat you win great job I’m a NEET but I’m not one of you people who would ever buy me is this sad Walmart state of wake we call life who would ever invest on me you’re 25 years old and you’ve got your own start-up while my Dreamcast is still mint and running you spew truths and you’re the most honest among the just while I bring shame on this great nation this life is not worth watching nor acting nor bothering retreating in my pathetic little nest chocking on anxiety and no meds are working you’re the cure and you made that pretty clear eradicate this angst from inside me fill me with your truths and promises don’t let me question anything as it seems not to be working I wish I were like you full of shit and yet the most beloved but I’m not one of you people my existence is all that matters my experience the solely true all of you people nothing but projections of my superego and this universe spawned for me I’m the only one seeing all of this the world crumbling annihilated by promises of wealth unfit to exist I linger is this sad Walmart state of wake we call life and we keep telling ourselves things will change everything for the better
3.
Solipsism 02:02
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No one else there’s nothing else but me one experience and that’s mine none of you is true and none of it matters simulacrums of my mind artefacts of a mean deity and once it’s over it’s all gone none of it persists without me it’s darkness and silence and the world has never been None of you is real projections of my mind I’m the only one to ever see this reality of mine myself the only sentient Never let pain become an alibi A cold sidereal awareness the realisation that none of this, none of you is true that I’m the only experiencing this dream and back to nothingness before even God was born before darkness had encompassed all creation Let not pain be an alibi for your need of warmth this earth is cold and small and short to your ageing self All of this is for me and none of you is true none of it will fall once it’s over it will just be back to nothingness to what has never been the suspension of disbelief Never let pain be an alibi

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released August 30, 2018

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アロキン Bologna, Italy

Traded childhood memories for corporate warmth. Nostalgic about discontinued produce, consumerist wanna be from 3rd tier economy.

"All I ever wanted was a Pepsi"

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