1. |
Lardass
03:45
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I’m that kid on Bad Santa
fat and stupid with no friends
there’s a catch - I’m just retarded flesh
talentless and with a tiny peck
just a heap of trash
will surely end up whining on some
beta uprising Reddit sub.
Restless I stand
blank eyes of a hunted beast
as walls around me all glare
collapsing in thought
as the aisles are glowing
foremost and uttermost I’ll stutter impaired
gravity and distance no longer are fair
I’ll lose, I’ll lie, sure failure of investment.
I feel sorry for myself.
Drenched in sweat
motionless I lie
I don’t believe a word I’ve said
and neither should you.
Smile at me
indottrinate me with a life more convincing
silence the thoughts roaming inside me
annihilate any bodily conception
then what’s left of me
a huge fucking disappointment
that’s it?
what was this big ordeal?
I just had to put some zeal and kneal.
Moaning all the times
over the same fucking things
a heartburn
short breath
a brief tingling in y left arm
loss of hearing
tachicardia
earworms and the mess inside my head
my asshole and a migraine
and the sun just ought to stop.
There’s no need for you here
I’m not what my body and mind tell me
forget anything I said
I won’t remember anyway
mind keeps failing
answering machine full of junk
hey Nick, you lose
keep playing, better luck next time
here’s some Prozac
we call it Citalopram
sometimes Fluoxetine
ass some Deniban
you’ll be okay
and don’t drink as much
it’s bad for you
but you just keep trying.
Fuck, I tried
but to no avail
I’ve kept promises and behaved well
nonetheless I do exist
just as a bacteria
nothing more than feed
and yet / I linger
stutter and mumble
not enough to qualify
as a living human being.
Don’t let me go
don’t let me sink
I / will fail you
I’ve failed the whole world
I’ll curl up and cry
and be no more
I’ve tried, believe me, but it’s never enough
my mind deceives me.
No more mourning
no more pain
no more highs / nor lows
I’ll keep quiet
pretend
to be someone else
everything but me
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2. |
NEET
02:55
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This spectacle you call life
I’m not one of you people
you’ll make this country great again
while you see how unspectacular my decline is
this purgatory i’ve settled so easily in
these walls seem to protect me and so are yours
while crushing every single hope remaining
I lie, and so do you
you rise, and so is my depression
you succeed and I retreat
you win
great job
I’m a NEET
but I’m not one of you people
who would ever buy me
is this sad Walmart state of wake we call life
who would ever invest on me
you’re 25 years old and you’ve got your own start-up
while my Dreamcast is still mint and running
you spew truths and you’re the most honest among the just
while I bring shame on this great nation
this life is not worth watching
nor acting nor bothering
retreating in my pathetic little nest
chocking on anxiety and no meds are working
you’re the cure and you made that pretty clear
eradicate this angst from inside me
fill me with your truths and promises
don’t let me question anything
as it seems not to be working
I wish I were like you
full of shit and yet the most beloved
but I’m not one of you people
my existence is all that matters
my experience the solely true
all of you people nothing but projections of my superego
and this universe spawned for me
I’m the only one
seeing all of this
the world crumbling
annihilated by promises of wealth
unfit to exist I linger
is this sad Walmart state of wake we call life
and we keep telling ourselves
things will change
everything for the better
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3. |
Solipsism
02:02
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No one else
there’s nothing else
but me
one experience and that’s mine
none of you is true and none of it matters
simulacrums of my mind
artefacts of a mean deity
and once it’s over
it’s all gone
none of it persists
without me
it’s darkness and silence
and the world has never been
None of you is real
projections of my mind
I’m the only one
to ever see this reality of mine
myself the only sentient
Never let pain become an alibi
A cold sidereal awareness
the realisation that none of this, none of you is true
that I’m the only experiencing this dream
and back to nothingness
before even God was born
before darkness had encompassed all creation
Let not pain be an alibi
for your need of warmth
this earth is cold
and small
and short to your ageing self
All of this is for me
and none of you is true
none of it will fall once it’s over
it will just be back to nothingness
to what has never been
the suspension of disbelief
Never let pain be an alibi
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アロキン Bologna, Italy
Traded childhood memories for corporate warmth. Nostalgic about discontinued produce, consumerist wanna be from 3rd tier economy.
"All I ever wanted was a Pepsi"
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